Sunday, March 25, 2007

i am twenty one years old

last sunday, we went to ikea and bought a bed. i got one which allows you to lift your mattress to reveal a hidden storage space. new mattress as well. and i moved up from full/double to queen, so now i takes up about 60% of my room i think.

last thursday, i bought sheets, beddings, pillows, more sheets, and then some more.

then last friday, we got around to painting my room white. while buying more paint at the home depot, i dropped by best buy and i walked out of it with a new tv and a micro component system.

i only got to assemble the bed last friday night, and it was freakin hard to assemble using the allen wrench they threw in with the allen screws(read: too tiny for my big hands). it took me all night to set it up.

then, i only realized afterwards, i took part in one of the most american traditions ever... spring cleaning. i cleaned out my room and rearranged my stuff, threw out junk and put in the new.

that aside, you're probably wondering why i'm posting about the things i bought and spent my time on. well, i'm not here to brag or whine to you, seriously...

thing is, how many of you actually thought about buying the stuff i bought. and i'm not talking about "ohh, i like that!" and then forget about it the day after. i'm talking about "ohh, i like that, i am so gonna save up for it".

uh-huh, i figured not that many of you. and those who said yes, exactly how old are you?

uh-huh.

buying a tv or a bed is something which i feel something that which proves that a person is old. seriously, when you were young all you ever dreamt about was buying a car or a house or taking a vacation. you never thought about television, beds, linens and sheets cause frankly, why should you? you have parents which are willing to buy them for you, provided, of course, that you don't stay out late for the next two weeks.

i'm happy i was able to buy those stuff and at the same time sad for having been able to buy them.

in a nutshell, its like opening presents on christmas day in front of the tree. you're happy you're finally opening the presents, and a the same time sad knowing that you'll have to wait a full year before it happens again. only this time, there's no more next year.

and i'm fuckin 21! i shouldn't be going about buying a car or a tv or having a portfolio or having a tooth extraction!

i know i shouldn't be complaining, i know a lot of you have your eyebrows raised, but i beg you to look at it from my eyes... i hope that you'll see that what i'm really complaining about is the fact that i can rant about these things... and perhaps you'll understand that its cause there's this gaping hole in my heart... and by virtue of the last two sentences, i'm an "emo person".

i hope having a look at my new "prayer" room will not be enough to make up for the time you wasted here.



oops, take a peek at my just cleaned-out closet. its pathetic.

find my tumbler...

hobbes is eating my speaker!

...and that's the opening sequence of...?

this is what someone who stayed up all night looks like... so get plenty of sleep people!

...:::more

Monday, March 19, 2007

sandwiched and sticky

there are times, which i now realize is more like an epoch and not isolated packets of days, when you just wanna get days over with to get to another day which you hope is something out of the norm and is therefore worth waiting for, and in a lot of cases, fast-forwarding-for(a-la click).

you know you're in a rut when you're in that "time" of your life. it could get so bad that sometimes even the simplest things are blown out of proportion just so it could qualify for that slowly-deteriorating criterion of highly-special days; which in turn would lead to a gradual deterioration of the quality of "special" but which, conversely, would lead to a sharp, even exponential, increase in fake, and for the most part almost always passes off as genuine(but upon closer inspection is still, in all actuality, fake), laughter and smiles. i didn't mean to pass off the previous sentence as a complex mathematical equation plucked from one of the charts of life.

and what's sad is some people think that that is normal, that that is all life has to offer, that that is the point of being, and that that is simply that; and what's scary is its alot easier to accept that and join in on the growing ranks of those, than to escape the seeming quicksand of despair; and perhaps the most horrifying of all is that this rabid thinking is an unremovable part of the human psyche, meaning at some point or another you and me and the pope wil experience it, whether or not you realize that you are or have been through it is entirely dependent on how well you are immersed into the dipping pools of the empathy of which the world is full of and a fool of.

and if you have been reading closely, or not even reading closely but rather if you are even just about ankle-deep into the afore-mentioned body of metaphoric liquid, you should come to the realization that the author of this post full of over-used cliches is in that "rut" which he affectionately described.

so yes, please kill him now and end his misery and pitiful existence.

...:::more

Saturday, March 10, 2007

trial by ache

i always thought my teeth were invincible ripping machines... until about a week ago.

i felt my right, lower molar aching about midday last saturday. i shrugged it off thinking it'll just go away, as what does usually happens anyway. but it didn't go away completely, it subsided a little sporadically over the next few days.

by monday, right about before i left the office, the ache came back in full glory. my golly-gosh-gash! it was so freakin' painful(and i do have a high tolerance for pain, bordering on becoming a masochist in fact. but i'm not saying masochists have a high tolerance for pain...). the kind which makes your legs cringe and your head float and your tears swell. its like eating through your very soul. uh, well, no. that's a little bit too melodramatically exaggerated for a toothache, but you get the picture. i took two advils and still nothing. the drive home was a nightmare. i got my bro to look-up an emergency dentist nearby but it i'm uninsured and its waaaaaay too expensive. he's going to charge me 900 bucks for the root canal, 400 to plug it up, and an additional ??? amount for the crown(which could come in silver, gold or ivory or any bling-bling metal). so i got a bottle of tylenol instead.

but tuesday was worse, the ache was there since i woke up. it didn't let up even with three tylenols(don't do that guys, it could potentially cause stomach bleeding). so by midday, i had to leave the office and went on to search for a dentist who accepts walk-ins who won't charge emergency fees. the only one i found(well, more like the only one i went to) couldn't see me til the morning after. so i went home to just sleep it off and hope tomorrow comes soon enough.

but my aunt found this dentist, a filipina, who was willing to see me. only thing was, she was all the way across town. made it to her clinic, and upon examining my tooth, concluded that she can't do anything yet cause it already had an infection(read: abscess). so it had to be dried out first. so that means it'll be a week before she could pull it the tooth out(by this point, i was all for tooth extraction, root canals are just waaay to expensive. not to mention there's no guarantee that its not gonna cause me anymore problems). so, to help with the pain, she also prescribed me narcotics aside from the antibiotics for the bacteria.

for the normal person, that would've worked. but i'm a-b-normal, so it didn't work quite as well(that's why i'm not abnormal, there are still some lines to be crossed/removed before i become one). the antibiotics prescribed to me were literally old hat for my bacteria. it weak for me cause since i was young, i have been bombarded again and again with progressively more and more powerful antibiotics, thanks to my super easy to infect tonsils. the last culture test for back in manila about three years ago showed about only three types of antibiotics which would still work great for me, the others are already too weak for my bacteria and therefore may not be able to get rid of them.

so basically, i spent wednesday, thursday and friday at home nursing the throbbing pain in my mouth when i'm awake. oh, did i mention that my gums developed a sore as well? perfect. the narcotics they gave me wasn't that strong(or i guess the pain was really that strong), but it did put me to sleep whenever i take it. so the only time i was able to work was on the hour when the narcotics wear off which means its time for the next pill and the next wait till it kicks in.

now, i realized that it hasn't been my tooth that's been aching for a long time now but my gums. oh well, same difference. anyway, since by friday the pain was still there, it was time to change the antibiotics that as given to me because it was indeed to weak for me. so the dentist gave me pennicillin instead. erm, to tell you the truth, this is the first time i've ever taken pennicillin. and that's good cause that means my bacteria doesn't know pennicillin yet and so it has a better chance to get rid of them.

and yes, finally, saturday, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most painful, its now a stable 1! i'm finally able to eat again. i still feel it, though, but its not really aching anymore, its like a reminder now that i have a toothache.

so, my message to all of you is... no amount of money can ever pay for the pain a toothache can cause. so tooth fairy, don't insult what i went through with a quarter.

...:::more

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Giveaway of the Day

i keep watch on a lot of websites, see if they're worth any good. today, one of them stood out from the rest.

>
GIVEAWAY OF THE DAY <

though i've been watching it for weeks now, i thought that the programs they were featuring were so-so until today. they are giving away aston, a desktop replacement program. i'm a bit weary of installing stuff on my newly-reformatted box but what the heck.

so i installed it and i was blown away at the fact that it didn't just replace my desktop, it also made load times even faster! woot!

so, thank you GOTD. you just won me over.

and they also giveaway a game each day, if that's your cup of tea.

hurry, last time i looked, today's giveaway will expire 6 hours from now.

...:::more

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

reformat, the lessons learned.

i reformatted my pc again. and looking back, i've actually learned a lot of lessons from tinkering with the computer:

1.) if it ain't broke, don't fix it. so true, my device drivers were all working fine but then i dropped by the windows update site which listed it had a newer version for my driver(my mouse in particular, i know, who slaps in a driver for his mouse? i do...). so i installed it and the next thing i know, i couldn't get past the loading screen.
solution: safe mode+system restore

2.) who guard the guards? i'm a security freak. i have a firewall, an antivirus program and an anti-spyware up all the time. but aside from that, i've got tons of other anti-spyware/system mechanics/registry editors/optimizers/root kit detectors that they have become the spyware and slowed down my system considerably when i run all of them.
solution: trust in the holy trinity(firewall, antivirus, antispyware)+safe web habits

3.) beauty is high-maintenance. in an effort to tweak my desktop and UI to the fullest, and at the same time easiest, extent, i have gone a little bit too far. far enough that system's overall performance has taken a hit. i have a 256mb graphics card and a full gig of RAM, both of which should be more than enough to run daily tasks smoothly, but it didn't, it lagged consistently especially when opening and closing windows, not to mention it would bring focus to other windows unexpectedly.
solution: stick to the basics(gah, dare i say it?)+trust microsoft's own "enhancers"

4.) too much is too much. let's face it, we want our machines to be all-in-ones. gad, i just realized that wanting that is like being a parent who wants an athletic, smart, popular, good-looking and over-acheiving kid. geez. i slapped on a lot of cards and components on my computer and it got unstable, caused by sometimes incompatible devices.
solution: give your kid a break... errr, disable unneeded and deprecated devices.

5.) one is more than enough. i used to have a lot of browsers. but then, i only really use ie.
solution: just ones.

6.) cherishing keepsakes pays off. i still have files which dates back to about 7 years ago... and its fun to look through them every once in a while. papers dating back to my 3rd year in high school is a source of laughs for me on those boring days.
solution: invest on hard drives

7.) reanimation is no easy feat. i backed up my hard main hard drives, which have all my programs, to the big one which i use as a file repository. now that i've got a clean disk, i want to restore some of those programs(mainly games, hehe) back so i can run them. i don't have the installer discs with me so that means i have to track down each program's files(and temporary files) and registry key entries(i can't just import my old registry, that'll just be a disaster), and copy those to my newly installed os. so far, one program has been reanimated. T_T
solution: have installer discs/have lots of patience

as a reward for reading through my list of reformatting woes, i present you with themes for your pc. i'm sticking to basics this time around so i won't be doing the thing i posted
here. anyway, i found these two themes in the internet, they are from microsoft so all you gotta do is download then double-click them to install! enjoy!

Royal Theme- this is the media center's default glossy theme. when asked where to install it, just leave it at windows to install it in the default themes directory.
Black Royale Theme- black version of the media center theme. its actually a promo theme for zune but it just looks way cool.

and if those aren't enough, somehwere in the bowels of
microsoft.com are hundreds of files which you can actually download for free and use! you just have to find the right way and be patient in navigating it. i got an egyptian and a dog theme there which are absolutely wonderful. i'd post the link but i forgot which page they came from. T_T

...:::more

Thursday, February 22, 2007

aja!

ajax shmajax! here, i will discuss how to create the ajax effect(close to) without the x(xml). ajax stans for Asynchronous Javascript And XML. so... it should technically be just aj, but aja sounds better. =p

why use aja, or ajax for that matter? the answer is, to enhance the user experience and to relieve the server of some load. by using aja[x], you can actually put in more data into a page that has already been served. that way, you don't have to serve the whole page again just to change a single word. and if you are an expert on DOM(Document Object Model), you can, theoretically, just serve a single page and hand it off to aja[x] to get the data then modify the page elements by following the DOM.

i will get to the limitations later on, but for now let's start rolling...

first, lets make the page that's going to be served...

<html>
<head>
<title>AJA!</title>
</head>

those are the mandatory things, here's where you start paying attention...

<body>
<p>This is a demo of aja:<br>
<input id="add" type="button" value="Show lines!" onclick="aja_do('add')">
<input type="button" value="Clear" onclick="aja_do('clear')">

here we have two buttons, what you should take note of is the onclick attribute. once you click on the button, it will execute the code inside the onclick attribute, in this case its a call to a function named "aja_do", passing to it a parameter, either "add" or "clear" depending on what you click.

<div style="border: solid 1px black">
<span id="container">This is where all the magic will happen.</span>
</div>

then we have a div tag, its just to have a pretty box(sort of). inside it, we have a span tag and we gave it an id of "container" and some text in it. the span tag is important (cause of the id attribute) and it must have the id attribute if you want to make your life easier.

<script type="text/javascript">
function aja_do(action) {
var jsel = document.createElement('script');
jsel.type = 'text/javascript';
jsel.src = 'get_text.php?action='+action;
document.body.appendChild(jsel);
}
</script>
</body>
</html>

finally, just before we close the body tag and the document, we sneak in a bit of javascript. yes, you can put script tags outside of the head. but let's concentrate on the script tag and what it holds.

the script tag declares a function. this is the function which the buttons above call when you click them. let's take a look at it line by line:

var jsel = document.createElement('script');

this creates a script tag, DOM style, and assigns the variable jsel to hold it so we can poke it, otherwise, its as good as lost.

jsel.type = 'text/javascript';

then we tell the browser that the script tag we created is text/javascript type, of course, we're using javascript after all.

jsel.src = 'get_text.php?action='+action;

then we tell the browser that the script tag will be loaded from a file and the file can be found there. what's different here is that the source is not the traditional "script.js", as what you'd expect from loading a javascript file. we tell it to load "get_text.php". its been known for a long time that you can load php(or asp, or whatever file you want) files as javascript files or css files(loading a php-fied css file is a quick and easy way to make customizable skin colors for websites), so thats what we're doing now. but the we add to the source some more parameters, namely the "action", which is the parameter which the buttons passed on to aja_do. so we're telling it to load either get_text.php?action=add or get_text.php?action=clear.

document.body.appendChild(jsel);

then we have this final bit which basically "executes" the code inside get_text.php. if you notice i used document.body. that is the reason why i put the script inside the body and not the head. some browsers only append to the body if the script instructing it to append something to it is a direct child. so placing it in the head means its not a direct child anymore, likewise with placing it inside a div tag inside the body. it has to be a direct child of the body, so its convenient to place it just before the closing body tag or right after the opening body tag. though personally, i put my scripts in the head tag and then append the code to a dummy placeholder like a span tag.

so that's your static page, you can save it as aja_test.html. now lets take a look at get_text.php

<?php
$action = trim($_GET['action']);
if(!empty($action)) {
$output_string = '';
?>

the opening section. if you remember we passed what we're going to do, either add or clear, so here we take what we passed and make sure that it is there. we also initialize the variable output_string which will hold what we're going to display.

var con = document.getElementById('container');

then we leave php for a bit to put in a bit of javascript. the only thing you have to remember is that instead of formatting your data in php for html output, your doing it for javascript output, that's why proficiency in DOM is a huge advantage. in this case, we make a variable and use it as something like a pointer to the "container". if you remember, the "container" is in the static page and its a span tag. this allows us to easily to poke that tag whichever way we want.

<?php
if($action == 'add') {
$output_string = "Server time is: ".date("h:i:sa");
?>
var newline = document.createElement('br');
con.appendChild(newline);
var append_text = document.createTextNode('<?php echo $output_string; ?>');
con.appendChild(append_text);
<?php
}

ok, if what we got is add, we put in what we're going to display in output_string, then leave the realm of php and get into javascript. first, we create a newline,so we create a "br" tag DOM style. then we add it inside the container. next we create in javascript the text that we made earlier, and then add it inside the container. and that's it, we have successfully added stuff in the other page! yay!

elseif($action == 'clear') {
$output_string = "Server time when box was reset: ".date("h:i:sa");
?>
while(con.firstChild) con.removeChild(con.firstChild);
var new_text = document.createTextNode('<?php echo $output_string; ?>');
con.appendChild(new_text);
<?php
}

but if we're going to clear, the next block handles it. again, we create the text in php, then enter javascript land. what the first line does is it clears everything inside "container" DOM-style. while container still has a "child" or content, it will remove it. then like the one up there, we create the text in javascript and insert it in the "container". if you take a look at the page, the contents of the box was cleared and just has a single line.

}
?>

then we close the page.

and there you have it, a crash-course in aja and a little DOM. now my example above, if you check it out, absolutely makes no sense. ideally, the php file would do more complicated stuff(read: access database) and return more sensible material. but that will have to do cause i don't have anymore database hosting. if you want to really see it in action, take a look at the gallery from my previous post, thats where my database hosting went.

if you check out my example, you'd notice something is off... namely the time is the same for each line everytime you click a button. is this a bug? nope! well, technically no. this is the effect of your browser caching pages! if you examine the code carefully and take a look at the process from the browser's eye, it looks like we are loading two javascript files: get_text.php?action=add and get_text.php?action=clear. the browser doesn't know its just a single file with different parameters, for the browser, it looks its two different files cause they don't look the same. so, the first time it loads the two files, it makes two different copies in its cache. so the next time you click a button again, it serves the one in its cache, so the time in the line that's added doesn't get updated. and that makes sense cause that is the expected behaviour of a browser.

so you're screaming at me asking why use this at all? the answer is simple, when you do use it, what you're going to use it for will not be anything like my example. in reality, what you will load will be more like file.php?id=1 ... file.php?id=890345 cause you are most likely going to query a database or something. get the picture? although yeah, ajax will not have this problem... =D but this is definitely a lot simpler and easier to implement than ajax(have you met JSON? no? well, he's usually the guy with a SOAP in hand.).

and as a closer, there is this quirk in ie6... it doesn't like loading javascript files dynamically. so sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. it depends. if someone could provide more details on this problem and a possible fix, please share it to the world! one odd thing, if you put an alert anywhere inside aja_do, ie6 will execute the code. i'm not sure why, but that's what it does. i've made some headway into this problem, was able to fix it for the avant browser, which is based on the ie6, but it still doesn't seem to work with earlier versions of ie6(either that or my test ie6 is seriously screwed).

see it in action here:
http://fapri.ifastnet.com/aja_test.html
get the files here:
http://fapri.ifastnet.com/aja.zip

what do you think? got a better idea? let the world know! and yeah, one reason i'm writing this is to contribute my little thoughts to the world(erm, google...) which has taught me a lot over the past few months.

...:::more

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

gallery 0.3

in my work, i have to install a photo gallery for some clients. now there are a lot of open source solutions out there and leading the pack, at least for me and what i've encountered as a php developer, is menalto's gallery or simply gallery 2.

now, gallery 2 is a feature-rich solution with a ton of bling-blings and a kicking support/development team. its a great solution. however, as with the nature of my job, i'm asked to deploy a photo gallery in an already built-up website. if you're not already seeing the problem, well the problem is.. gallery 2 puts the photo gallery in the middle of the spotlight. what i need to deploy is somewhere near the balconies.. in short, gallery 2 is nice if you need a website which shows off a ton of photos. otherwise, its an absolute pain to edit to make it fit your needs.. and don't even get me started on trying to edit the templates to the current website's template.

other solutions rely on purely php and file manipulation. while i have nothing against that, the programmer in me just can't swallow the fact that there's no database used. though these solutions tend to look purr-ty...

so for the past projects where i needed to slap in a photo gallery, i built my own photo gallery system. this system is php-based and stores the relevant information in a mysql database, since the websites i work on always have a mysql database anyway and if they don't i create one for them.. hehe, and stores the images in a directory. upon upload, three images are created, a thumbnail-sized image, a default-sized image and the original-sized image. it may take up some more space but your server will definitely thank you when your user uploads 10MP pictures.

over the projects, i got tired of manually editing each line of code to fit the new website i'm going to slap it on. so, i worked on a more generalized version. the result is... gallery 0.3

when you take a look at it, it may not look like much. but if you login as the owner/admin, then you'll see its true capabilities. and developers out there who have to "skin" a lot sites will find that the one page that matters in the gallery is so easy to customize. tags are easy to move around the page and just about everything, from the image sizes to the number of thumbnails to the image used for overlaying some thumbnails can all be customized from the admin page.

however, i'm still not making it available for public release cause there's still work to be done like user groups and permissions. as it is right now, it will work well to serve as a photo gallery for a specific website(or blog... as long as there's only one(or one group) owner). as a photo gallery for the planet? not yet...

and probably the main reason i'm releasing a "preview" is this bug has gotten me stumped... if you're using IE6, head on to the site and you'll find out... i have half a mind to take away "seamless reloading" feature(oh yeah, for most browsers, clicking on a thumbnail won't reload the page) for IE6.

it seems to be caused IE6 not liking loading an additional javascript file dynamically... i use aja, if you're asking why. its ajax without the xml part. more about this in a future post, its a totally awesome way of doing ajax without the additional burden of coding xml.

if you have any idea on a possible workaround for that, PLEASE let me know!

check out the site here:

http://fapri.ifastnet.com/gallery/gallery.php

if you'd like a copy of the gallery, send me a note and i'll send you one. if you're interested in helping me out or just want to check out the code, send me a note as well.

...:::more

Friday, February 16, 2007

there's a grey in e.r.

its official, i'm hooked on grey's anatomy... and i don't care if you say its just a rehashed E.R., there's just something different about it. different in the sense that its almost not like a medical drama...

in fact, its feels a lot like one tree hill, though they might not share the same storyline, plot, character dynamics... i guess what made me say that was how each episode is told. there's something about it which reminds me of OTH, might be because both shows usually start and end with a voice-over from the lead character which speaks undeniable truths. yeah, maybe that's it...

...or maybe the television has finally gotten to me after all those years of having been able to resist its hypnotic, glassy stare. maybe...

...

...or maybe because i just love ellen pompeo...
...maybe...

...:::more

Thursday, February 15, 2007

will you keep me?

this ranks high in my playlist of always played songs...

The World is our Playground and We Will Always be Home
Up Dharma Down

You're my sunshine, and my occasional rain
We become divine after every pain
So won't you please sit this through?
Because everyday we find a reason to stay
If words are too few to keep horizons in view
Will you go or stay and grow?

Standing on the edge between crazy and sense
Remember what I said
Nothing has to end
Won't you think it over?
I'm not so good with words
I don't think you heard me
If words are too few to keep horizons in view
Will you go or stay and grow?

Will you stay?
Will you go
Will you grow with me?

Now that you've found me
Where are we gonna go from here?

I swear I belong, this is where I belong
I swear I belong, this is where I belong
I swear I belong, this is where I belong
I swear I belong, this is where I belong
I swear I belong

Now that you've found me
Where do we go from here?
Now that you've found me

Will you keep me?

ps. thanks to my second-cousin iwi's friend, elyu, at
http://elyu.multiply.com/ for posting the lyrics here.

...:::more

Saturday, February 03, 2007

i'd like you to meet my...

...boyfriend.

for the record, he's my first and only so far.

his name is Race. lol, weird huh? named like that bodyguard guy from johnny quest, if you still remember that cartoon, let's see, i think that guy's name was... race bannon. well, anyway i've got my own race who's gonna look after me now. *kilig*

before we got acquainted, i've been seeing him around a lot of times. here and there, i dunno, i guess it was just a matter of time. fro mthe looks of it, he's pretty popular, a head-turner even, but he just didn't appeal to me back then. i mean he looked like he was a nice guy and everything, a gentlemen, but there just wasn't that oomph-ness which made me go ga-ga over him at first.

it was a cold night when i saw him in an outdoor shop in downtown. i thought to myself, heck why not approach this guy, who i can't seem to shake off, and get to know him. as i got closer, i found myself liking him, more so when we got past after the mandatory exchange of 'how ya doin' and comments on the weather. its like being hit in the head with a bottle, you know? like, why didn't you walk up to him sooner?! after just about a half hour, i was madly hooked on him.

like me, he wasn't born here in america. he is originally from japan but he came here a long time ago. so he's very americanized. i'm still a wee bit taller, but for the most part, we're almost the same height, though he's definitely leaner. we just look perfect together. he's sophisticated, no-nonsense type of guy but absolutely knows how to have fun, and did i mention good-looking? lol...

so after about an hour of hooking up, we became an us. everything was so mutual, like those lines in the movies. 'where have you been all my life?' yeah, everything suddenly had a place in the universe. and i was in heaven.

we went home past midnight, i snuck him into the house, but unfortunately my aunt was still up. long story short, they accepted him. what a surprise, i guess if it really is meant to be, everything will give way. so that night, he moved in with me. hihi. all i can say is, whether you want it fast or slow, he's absolutely awesome to ride. haha. especially in the ups and downs... so positively... uh, next paragraph please... haha

i'm just glad that i took the risk that night and bared my whole heart out for the world to mock. i'm thankful that i did. =)

though he gets a little jealous when i tell him about my other guys, even though there never really was an "us" with those other guys. he's especially jealous of Revs...

and if you're wondering how we look together, here's a pic for the curious: (and yea, i'm putting on pounds... not the currency)



...and if you're disappointed that it wasn't what you thought it was, well... i'm gonna be single for life, remember?! haha... or maybe until thirty, whichever comes first. haha. =p

his full name, by the way, is honda accord. ;-) and yes, we do name our cars, my first was revs(toyota revo) of course, then for about a couple of months here i used neville(pontiac bonneville). my bro has tanya(nissan xterra), and the other cars in our family have names which don't depart that much from their real names. we had a car before, a tamaraw fx, which we named darna, cause they used her in the car's commercials way back in the day, lol. why name your car? apart from its easier to reference, it sort of gives you a certain level of comfort in that you make yourself believe that you understand each other. plus, they're great converstationists(read: listeners) during long drives. race is the first i can truly call my own, and with getting him, i am now a member of the american working class(people who are in debt up to their eyeballs, lol. technically defined as those with a credit report[and score]... lol.).

...:::more

Friday, February 02, 2007

SCARY epic movie

yeah, you read that right. epic movie is the SCARIEST scary movie. and i mean that in a bad way.

there's this trend in the whole scary movie franchise wherein they try to outdo the previous film's shortness, while i'm not sure if this if rom the same guys who brought us scary movie, epic movie definitely took up the challenge. it probably just clocks in at an hour. and that is probably the longest hour you'll ever spend in a movie theater. its like, you want the hour to be over just to get out.

the humor is way too over the top, its too lame that its not making people laugh anymore. and in a theater packed with americans, that's saying a lot(no offense to americans, but really, chicken-cross-road really is your sort of humor. and i enjoy that type of humor, though i like british humor more).

perhaps the only people who will enjoy this are the movie buffs(who call themselves that but in reality have only watched a couple of films in their life and read about the rest of what they know in the internet) who loves testing their movie trivia. but for me, it falls waaay short of it being a challenge. its like a big chunk of narnia held together by a lot of pieces from other movies.

the only way you'd get to enjoy this movie is if you download it over the internet, and have a couple of beers before hitting the play button. heck, if i did that, then this review might have turned out a little better.
anyway, i've got a really special post coming up... =D

...:::more

Friday, January 26, 2007

a tsunami of laughs

...because everybody could use a laugh.

and i got the idea of using the word tsunami from dwrt 99.5 hit fm from back there. its the radio station i listen too in the office, only because its the clearest one i could get. anyway, they just underwent a station reformat, so no, they're no longer the magic 89.9 copycat with british/aussie acents. and they have this morning radio show which tries to be what the morning zoo crew was before they got busted by the mtrcb... and they're not that bold and daring yet. but that may change, if king dj logan's infectious laughter rubs off on them somehow. anyway, i think its that time of the year back in the philippines where listeners vote for their fave radio stations. so hit fm has been running shameless commercials, which might make you think they're still trying to be magic, by spoofing other radio programs. i love their spoof of monster's chico & delamar(?? did i get her name right?), those two are just laughin on air whenever i tune into their show, its like their living in this so, so perfect world where everyone wears pink. they also spoofed dr. love's wave, though its not as good as their other spoof. hehe.

anyway, may the following videos bring much joy to you.

..and a musical comedian, great!


you are just going to love this, watch the shades!


and an even earlier music video from my "idol".

...:::more

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

another episode??

it was about this time last night when we got a call from my aunt in the hospital. my grandma was rushed to the hospital, again. the second time in less than a month.

she's stable now, but twice within two weeks is not good. my aunt back home is flying in this friday, a month earlier than planned.

well, your prayers will be geatly appreciated, thanks. c",)

...:::more

Sunday, January 21, 2007

bituing walang ningning

may mga bituing walang ningning.
andun lamang sila,
sa kalawakan.
nananahimik, hindi umiimik.
hindi nagpaparamdam,
ngunit nagmamatiyag.

sila'y mga bituing walang ningning,
nagtatago sa likod ng liwanag ng iba.
nagpupumilit na mangitim sa kadiliman.
at ayaw magpapansin, ayaw magpakita,
ayaw, magningning.

may mga bituing walang ningning,
na nanood lamang.
hindi nakikibahagi, hindi nakikiisa,
hindi nagbibigay init.
sila'y malamig, at walang pakialam.

pero minsan may mga dumarating,
at sa kanilang pagdating,
ang mga bituing walang ningning
ay biglang naguumapaw ng liwanag,
sobra-sobrang ningning,
na sobra-sobrang init,
at sobra-sobrang kislap.

at ang mga bituing ito,
na minsa'y walang ningning,
ngayo'y nag-uumapaw,
at nagsasaya,
at nagungungutitap,
at higit sa lahat,
nagniningning,
doon sa kalawakan na puno ng mga bituin.







sorry, had to get this out, wouldn't let me rest...

...:::more

maybe life is a month too long

its been almost a month since my last post.

that was deliberate.

i wanted to see how much things, how different today is, how much life has progressed: after a month's time. of course its not a good idea to do it within the interval where christmas and new year and my birthday is all in, but what the heck, if you leave those out, its still surprising, what you're left with.

the biggest surprise which eclipsed everything else in that one month period happened one early january 5 friday morning. my grandma called was calling out my bro from her bathroom. i heard her call but when i heard my bro getting up from bed, i went back to a semi-sleeping state. when i finally got up, a fire truck had just pulled over our driveway. my grandma suffered a blood clot in her brain. it wasnt a stroke, although another 20 minutes of not being attended to would have turned that clot into a stroke. she was rushed to the mayo clinic hospital(i had to include the name, i thank them for their splendid service... and don't you guys think that the name is a bit contradictory? clinic then hospital? lol. kinda cute though) and stayed there for the weekend. so she's fine now but she lost her confidence in herself. she doesn't want to be left alone, which is understandable of course. we're not complaining but i'd like her to be less afraid and a little more confident of herself. in due time sure she'll gain it back. she's a resilient one, and i'm proud of her.

over the holidays, me and my bro found ourselves reigniting one of our oldest passions in our relatively young life. remote control cars. we both gave each other one last christmas. both tamiya's. and no, tamiya isn't that small thing which you put in circuits that can't turn on its own but rather have this spinner-like things at the edges to make it turn. please, tamiya wasn't originally known for that. in simple terms, tamiya is like the honda of rc's. they make great rc's and they're known for it. well, we got each other the lowest type of rc they offer, the qd or quick drives. they're like toys really, they're not customizable and you can't do much with them aside from making the dog go nuts. oh and rc's are not toys. to say so is like saying the mona lisa is a photograph. so my bro wasn't satisfied with the performance of the qd's so he got another one, a real rc. the one he got is from traxxas, the american counterpart of tamiya. its beautiful. it tops out at 35mph(about 55kmh). its fast, and it loves rolling over my rc. T_T mind you at that speed, its definitely not for kids. in fact, some rc's could go as fast as 70mph(or about 110kmh). so yeah, you could theoretically take it to the free way with you under its own power and control it from your car.

last new year officially marked my 2nd year since i awoke the wonderful world of healthy living. it was on new year's two years ago when i started my very first diet... the no rice diet. i did it for about a month and a half, and after that, its been a whatever goes home-concocted diet scheme. frap diet anyone? lol. i'll probably write about it sometime. so yeah, happy second anniversary to me!

as for "me". i've been and i still am in an emotional roller coaster. "i" and "emotional" shouldn't be used in the same sentence. heh. right now, i "centered" my life on my work. cause thats all i have here, apart from family. so when a day in work doesn't go too well, i'm a wreck, if all goes well, i'm happy. i guess this is the hardest part in moving, how do you re-establish your life?

yes, 2006 was a particularly tough year for everyone. it was a year of change, massive changes at that, and a year of looking for hope. 2007 is gonna be a year of more changes, changes for hope. and its gonna be good.

...:::more

Saturday, December 23, 2006

the henges are complete

the short story i've been working on has now been uploaded. took me a while to finalize the ending. anyway, click here to read. its in my deviant, i decided against posting it here as well cause of its sheer length(12 pages, T_T).

anyway, new template, not the end of my tweaking.

new playlist, so kristmasy, my playlist for the holidays.

and with that, i bid everyone a joyous holiday season. may you find what you're looking for over the next couple of weeks.

...:::more

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

life is life & we're goin to die, trust me on that.

two shows i follow thought it would be nice to have episodes which talked about life. there's one tree hill where lucas' heart stopped and he was met by a guide in the form of his uncle, and there's 7th heaven where eric camden found himself in heaven and was met by her mother-in-law. these two episodes had the uncanny ability to sort of put life under an electron microscope.

what is life anyway? that question, one of the oldest perhaps, still doesn't have a defeinitive answer. and it will never have one for as long as each of us has the ability to think for our own; each of us will always come up with a different answer. but what are we supposed to make of life? well dear reader, welcome to the world. that's what we are here for. hold on, that's the answer to the first question! what is life? to find out what we're supposed to make of it and do it! there! now, i can die...

in our search for that elusive answer, we fall back to basing our definition of life with the world. well, we live in this world after all. but no matter which way you look at it, our life is bigger than this world. its for the simple reason that if you take away your life, then there is no world for you. so to describe or compare life in terms of the world would be useless. what people do is they compare life with life. but once you do that, you find that you will be bombarded by conscience and moralty. or in simpler terms, what's right and what's wrong. and that perhaps may be the key, to answering the first question. so, what is right and what is wrong.

if you are going to fall back to basing your definition of what's right and what's wrong with the world, then your definition of what's right and wrong is 'its nonexistent'. that there is no right and no wrong in this world. there is only what's (socially) acceptable and (socially) unacceptable. this definition is passable, since that is the reality in this world. but you'll never find your answers if you keep on falling back to the world to answer your questions.

lucas kept asking his uncle what difference does being nice meant. he felt that no matter how good people may be, bad things keep happening to them. so what difference does being good in this world possibly have? why does the world seem so unfair? then, his uncle showed him how the world would have been had he not done this or done that. ok, its a tv show, but its a close enough imitation of life.

eric camden, the reverend, was greeted by people, most of whom he didn't know, upon getting into heaven. and each detailed how it is that his actions had affected them or their loved ones who were still living. some even offered glimpses into the future of good things that'll come to pass just because of his living his life. ok its another tv show, but two tv shows? my, its becoming a more accurate imitation of life.

the things we do have a profoundly great effect on our life and in this world. imagine this, as you were preparing to leave one morning, you remembered that your wallet was still in your room so you went back for it. cause of that, you missed the bus and you muttered out loud your exasperation. the girl standing next to you heard you and couldn't resist smiling. the guy across the street thought the girl was smiling at him. she is pretty cute so he decided to cross the street and approach the girl. but at the very moment he stepped off the curb, a car came around the corner and ran over him. traffic stopped on the street, thereby making you even more late than you originally were. more importantly, the president's convoy became one of the gridlock's casualties. a terrorist took the opportunity and assasinated the president. the country was thrown into chaos, and the a terrorist group took over. ten years later, the country became a powerful terrorist stronghold and thus forced the leader of a powerful nation to nuke the country. its amazing how all of us are intricately woven together, how no matter how far a person might be from another, there is a string of events which could be traced back to that person. and that, my friends, is the real internet.

we do not know for sure whether what we do is right or wrong. there is no standard definition for it is something which is defined in terms of life. so with that in mind, how do we do what's right or wrong? we don't. we just do. we just do AND hope that what we do is right. the world doesn't know hope. we know hope. that's why it can't define right or wrong, cause right and wrong is something that's not worldly. right and wrong is something which is related to our butt cheeks. its guts. you do what your right butt cheek tells you to do.

we must always remember to present our best self forward no matter what. no matter what, we are not living this world just for ourselves. with everything we do, someone else is definitely relying on us. even if you think your an unreachable island in the middle of an ocean. but consciously putting your best self forward is one of the hardest things to do. its like holding your breath, your gonna fail to do so every so often. and thats alright, you're supposed to fail doing it for yourself and as a reminder. but what's important is that you're gonna go back and do it again anyway.

persistence. the persistence to do, and the persistence to hope that what you're doing is right. its essential to have faith in ourselves, once we lose that, everything starts to fail one by one. and with each failure, we become less and less alive, til we become machines- just doing- doing without conviction, and acting without belief.

and perhaps thats what i want to share to you my dear reader. in this world, to strive on doing is what keeps us going, but the insistence upon ouselves to do what we feel to our bones is right is what keeps us living- that despite the seeming fruitlesness of putting our best self forward, despite that raging feeling of being unappreciated just keeps on swelling, despite that all the good you muster within you to share around you and yet bad things still happen to those undeserving of such, and that despite sadness, anxiety and selfishness fill this world to the brim, you are still there- doing good, never wavering, still hoping.

and if you are succesful in doing so, i congratulate you. you have acheived what most of us down here, finding our way, could only dream of doing. your help is appreciated, but it will only be in vain. we can't be shown the way, we have to find it for ourselves. but please believe in us, believe in each and everyone of us, that one day we will also find our way, then one day, we will find our way, hopefully before we die.

we too wanna live forever.

...:::more

Saturday, December 09, 2006

people from the web that i admire

here are a couple of people i admire right now. ohhhh, before i go on, this isn't the next post i promised in my previous post. think of this as a prelude. haha.

here is a norweigan guy who's got wickedly good video editing skills. he's in animation school, or maybe used to be one, i dunno. hindi kami close. so, this is the video which basically catapulted him to "web-dom".

so he's great with video-editing. so what? well, in this next video, he basically used his skill and became an expert with the piano and the drums.

ok you must think i'm a pretty shallow person for declaring to the world that i admire who's great in patching together video. but his next video, which ain't like the previous two, wowed me. not because of his skill, though its still amazing here, but more because of his being a person here...

...and here is a person who is living. and he is living cause he exudes life in a way that a lot of us can't. here is a person who you can feel goodness somehow radiate off him. and here is a person who hasn't lost life to the world. here is a person who's not clouded enough by this world, that he remains a person who is like a vanguard of humanity. everyday, mankind degrades into nonhumanity. becoming more and more mechanical and robotic. where every "life" is just a template we got from those who came before us and which we will pass on to those who will come after us. and yet every now and then there are still some here and there like him. those who understand it AND adapt to it. they're not stupid enough to rebel against it and get crushed. sure, those guys are heroic, but they didn't even make a slight dent to the current world full of unhumanity. you see we all start out in life wanting to do something to make our mark in this world, but at some point we realize that making a mark in this world isnt as easy as we used to think, and so we back off. we lose that confidence in ourselves cause we fell into the template that was handed down to us and we didn't realize it for what it was. template? what template? uh gee, lemme see. you probably had some education. maybe a college degree. you might have a job. the very fact that you're reading this says you are using a computer which you is paid for by a source of income like a job or a business which you got into with some sort of education. now im not saying we shouldn't follow templates. what im saying is we should when we're being already controlled by a template and we should seek to reverse the situation. with this guy, he understood that we need to work, study, eat, sleep, cause thats the way this world is right now. but he didn't let those things rule his life and become his life. instead, he chose to rule over them. and for that, i admire him greatly. its hard enough to realize that we're in that situation, much less reverse it.. now the question remains, how the heck am i so sure that he really is that? im not sure. but thats the aura which i feel emanating from him.

now here is another guy you could visit by clicking here. you might have heard of him before, he's the guy who dances all over the world and uploads the videos to his site. do i have a philosophical reason for admiring him? well, none in particular. maybe same as with the guy above. oh wait, here's one: i admire him cause he actually had the guts to drop everything and pursue his... uh... ok, fine, dream. i was trying to recall the term used in the alchemist, no luck. i guess you could say that some of us do put off chasing after our dreams for later cause we might not have something to fall back on if it fails or because we might feel useless after acheiving it. well here's a guy who went after his dreams. after his first trip, he was broke. but he didn't care. and what do you know, fate indeed sided him(just as what's said in the alchemist) and made a company sponsor his second trip. so now, maybe he's not traveling anymore but hey, im sure he's enjoying being an "internet celebrity", or as being an inspiration to others. so yes, he took the risk. so this guy went after his dreams leaving the familiar. and after acheiving it, life still goes on. it didn't stop for him. now ain't that just nice?

so i better end this post now and pack bags. i just convinced myself to go on a trip. haha. nah. that's why i admire these two guys. i cant do what they did right now, cause if i can then i wouldn't be admiring them, right? sucks... off to bed for me again and prepare myself for the coming work week. T_T

...:::more

Friday, December 08, 2006

let me tell you about...

...my job.

all my colleagues are pretty much whites, those that i see everydayy. i cannot be absolutely sure, there might be someone other than thats hiding somewhere. also, i saw a non-white some day back, dunno if he's part of the office or was just droppin by. anyway, i dont mean to sound discriminatory. im not white, and im proud of it.

my desk is in front of my boss' door and the second floor landing, next to the humongously-sized bean bag, under an open air conditioner vent and behind the balcony which overlooks the welcome desk below and the over-sized inflatable snowman. on top of the desk is the only 19" CRT monitor you'll find in the whole office(i think), everyone else's using and LCD. after about 10 hours of staring at the screen, my eyes begin to hurt. i sure am glad i got an LCD screen here at home, that way i can stay up all night without hurting my eyes.

this past week i have been going into overtime. though we don't have overtime pay(i think) since im not in a human-labor service position. its taking me a while to get into the flow of things(programming whole day). and its partly caused by my my brain which is still in "short-attention-span" mode. months of idle living means the brain has to come up with something to keep it from being bored.

so basically a day in the office goes like this:
i come in around 8am. i'm one of the first 5 people to come in. i can't be the first, i don't have a key. colleagues come in around 9, boss around 10.
lunch? working lunch! working lunch time? when you get hungry! workmates usually leave around 12:30 to get some take-out, they'll be back in about 10mins. when you're caught up in work you sometimes forget to eat, which was what happened to one of our project managers who had lunch at 3pm. me? i prepare a sandwich or two, faster and easier to eat=more productivity!
people start leaving around 6. i leave, on average, around 7. i'm not a workaholic. its just that, IM A FILIPINO!!! and filipinos, generally, dont feel satisfied if they leave unfinished work behind. filipinos dont drop everything when the clock hits 5. filipinos... ok stop with the patronizing. ive been going into overtime cause im not yet anywhere near finished with my project which, by the way, was supposed to be due today. still is. i dont know what will happen. gad, its so frustrating!

---start geeky stuff---
i'm the new php guy. im their 2nd php developer. the senior php developer has been into php for like, i dunno, 10 years? the brought me on-board to basically handle whatever tasks my senior has no time to handle, that means pretty much everything php that comes their way cause he's working on a pretty amazing program right now which i'll share later. so my project for now is to expand on an existing website of a client. the website is that of an online shop. the client basically used an open source solution, namely OS Commerce(or open source commerce). its a full-featured website which does a ton of things. all a user has to do is download, install, then put in your settings and products, then you've got an online shop! easy to deploy. a real pain to expand or customize.

editing, expanding or customizing softwares or applications will always be a bummer. its not enough that you know the language its written in, you have to have tons of patience and the ability to connect seemingly unrelated things. you see, when modifying programs, you not only have to know by heart what it is that you want to modify so that you won't lose your focus, you also have to be able to think like the its original programmers. if you fail to make your mind work like theirs, you will most likely fail. each programmer has his own style of programming, and i'm not just talking about indentations and spacing here.

the programmers of oscommerce opted for an object-oriented approach. cool. throw in stored definitions, functions and procedures, you could end up with a nose-bleed if you don't keep your head. its very different from how we used to code in php back in school. you'd find little to no operations in the mixed php-html pages. in fact, it think it was trying to be a java-jsp emulation. of course, it cant do that, java-jsp is much more amazing when it comes to that. anyway, i finally got the hang of it and i'm picking up pace. and did i mention i was working with a live site? i have to make immediate backup restores each time something goes wrong. thats the other thing with modifying program. more often than not, porting it to a development machine won't always work. i tried to, but i had to give up cause it was going to take too much of my time just to set it up.

i also worked on fixing a bug for one of our designers. he was having trouble with the underlying php code cause it messes up the template he was working on. same case as with my project, the client got gallery, an open open source photo album and organizer. only this is much worse! i've never seen php code so unlike php! i had to add a line of code which went like: {if $user.isRegisteredUser} {/if} does that look anything like php to you??

so a plea to programmers out there, just because you're the one building it up from scratch doesn't mean you can program away with no regard to future mods and DOCUMENTATION!
---end geeky stuff---

but im not complaining about my work. i like it there, though i haven't gotten the chance to get up from my desk and get to know most of the guys. by the way, its a woman's world in our office. our bosses are guys, but our project managers are a couple of ladies. they're in charge of pretty much running everything internally(like hiring people and assigning projects). apart from them, the only other woman is our receptionist. the rest are guys. that's why we've got the football table thingy in the middle of the workplace. and that's also why the ladies get to redesign the whole place whenever they want(and as well as place scents in the restrooms and play an ambient background music).

as i said, i like the workplace. its fast-paced and everyone's doing something. its not a workplace where there's always somebody breathing down your neck. and i get to be a part of the office where dizzler was born! i think it was launched last monday, the day before my first day. they're still monitoring it closely cause they've been getting a lot of hits and a lot of emails(some bugs, some suggestions, a lot of stupid 'how come this doesn't work with me?'). so for the past week, whichever is set to autoplay on the dizzler's webpage would play out loud from one of the development team's speakers while they're debugging it. and i(well as everyone else in the office) am glad that its no longer sexyback! and by the way, it was coded using php! my senior is part of the development team and this is top priority, thats why im handling his overflows. probably when my my plates empty i'll go over and study it. its pretty slick, looks like its xml-ized. so, visit dizzler.com here!

lastly, about work...
somehow everytime i leave the office for home at night, i have a bigger-smile-than-last-nights' smile on my face, even though im not yet done with the project. i guess i somehow feel that finally, i feel like i'm doing something which i know is directly affecting someone else(alleviating the headache of the clent, hopefully). which brings me to the topic of my next post...

til my next post tomorrow!

ps. pardon my english, well, pardon my writing, here. if you've noticed, everything are like just phrases separated with '.'s and joined by ','s. i've been sleep-deprived(not really, not just used to it yet) lately and my fingers have a life of their own again.

...:::more

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

the surfer has finally washed ashore

i finally landed a job.

it was my first day today.

i have to readjust my body clock and sleep early, i've been so used to staying up until the wee hours of the morning. that simply won't do anymore.

so, if you see me online in ym, i'm probably in work and busy. though i can't put in a 'busy' status cause that's what we use in the office.

about my work? about 12 minutes away from my place, less time than it used to take me to get to the nearest starbucks back in manila. i'm under evaluation for 90 days so i better not mess up if i wanna keep the job and have good compensation. casual work environment, way too casual in terms of wheeling and dealing.

right now, i have my own project. i need to expand a website which uses OSC(Open Source Commerce). reminds me of my EAZIX days. i have to learn the overall structure and how each action is processed. so far so good. but i have a tight deadline. its due on friday. so, good luck to me!

anyway, i'll probably expound on this sometime in the near future, not now, i'm in hurry to get this over with and sleep.

oh, i'm one paragraph shy of finishing the short story i was writing which i mentioned in an earlier post. i probably won't mirror-post it here cause its way too long, longer than what i anticipated. so you'd have to hit my deviant if you wanna catch it. interesting read i think, i started with a story then it sort of kept on branching off.. hehe

...:::more